What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 12:25
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is soul school!.
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do leftists understand why young men are becoming more right-wing?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Was to survive, this bastard.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Can you name an example of bad parenting?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Are Americans really as uneducated and ignorant as portrayed in the media?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What did your best friend do that ended your friendship?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She found it foreign!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Ive learnt so much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I think the readers, may guess!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Comes on , in middle age.
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We all went to grammer schools
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im still living with it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She married twice! .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot live in the past .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was scared of men, in general
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I don,t even have a pension.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She was in good health!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I waited trembling.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Who then, do I blame.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My life is so biszare .
Would this be the day?
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I will be 64.
And i lived it daily.
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But, we were locked up after school.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It was going to be , some day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!